Cameron left yesterday a little before 7 a.m. Ick. He stopped in Denver last night, so he should be more than halfway there now. Right now I just want him to get there safely. He gets really tired and he is by himself...and he hates the phone so he doesn't call me!...so I just worry. As it is, we are just hanging out here. The boys are watching The Incredibles, Levi is taking a nap (even though he REALLY fought it!), I am making eggs and toast for Ben (his favorite food--it doesn't matter that he's been eating all morning!), and getting ready to prepare my lesson for today (yeah, I'm a slacker!). So, it's a fairly typical day here. Hopefully the days go fast, the schoolyear ends, and we can have our family together again.
There isn't a lot else going on, but I wanted to give a small update.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
The final countdown...
Ok, that's a bit melodramatic, but it's kind of how I feel. I am not thrilled about this whole being on my own for a couple months thing. I am sure it will be fine...our home teachers came over last night and we kind of talked to them about things I would need help with (moving crap, massive yardwork for our HUGE yard, childcare, etc.). I feel really good about all of this, but it still stinks, to put it mildly. I have today off, but I have to go to Springfield to see my dr. (Ick! More blood tests!!) I still haven't been able to find anyone to watch the kiddos while I go--hopefully I don't have to take them ALL with me...a couple of them is fine, but not all of them. Cameron is back at work today, for his final week. He wasn't excited about going--he says they are making the official announcement that he is leaving today.
In other news, we had a pretty nice Easter. It was fairly uneventful, actually. The boys got up and we tried to talk to them about Jesus, but they were, of course, too excited about the "canny and easer eggs." So I think that talk went totally over their heads...or in one ear and out the other. It is really cute to hear Sam say "resurrection" though. Cam cooked one of the hams from our pig, and it was pretty good--not the best ham I have ever had, they cured it with too much salt, in my opinion. We also had homemade cheesecake with strawberry sauce (Cam insists it is called glaze, I don't care!), funeral potatoes, a yummy layered salad, deviled eggs, and something else that I can't remember now--nice, I am losing my mind! Too bad there are only five of us, and only 3 of us actually ate. Ben refused to eat because he was so upset about his sore toe (seriously) and Levi only has 4 teeth, so although he pigged out, he didn't really make a dent in anything, because he mostly ate peas and potatoes. We have a TON of leftovers...this meal would have fed about 15 people. Oh well, I guess I won't have to cook all week.
OK, well, Levi is freaking out and I just realized that Samuel has preschool today (no one tells me these things!), so I guess it's time to be up and about.
In other news, we had a pretty nice Easter. It was fairly uneventful, actually. The boys got up and we tried to talk to them about Jesus, but they were, of course, too excited about the "canny and easer eggs." So I think that talk went totally over their heads...or in one ear and out the other. It is really cute to hear Sam say "resurrection" though. Cam cooked one of the hams from our pig, and it was pretty good--not the best ham I have ever had, they cured it with too much salt, in my opinion. We also had homemade cheesecake with strawberry sauce (Cam insists it is called glaze, I don't care!), funeral potatoes, a yummy layered salad, deviled eggs, and something else that I can't remember now--nice, I am losing my mind! Too bad there are only five of us, and only 3 of us actually ate. Ben refused to eat because he was so upset about his sore toe (seriously) and Levi only has 4 teeth, so although he pigged out, he didn't really make a dent in anything, because he mostly ate peas and potatoes. We have a TON of leftovers...this meal would have fed about 15 people. Oh well, I guess I won't have to cook all week.
OK, well, Levi is freaking out and I just realized that Samuel has preschool today (no one tells me these things!), so I guess it's time to be up and about.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Bright and early...
I am, once again, up bright and early, and before the majority of my family. This is due largely, ok, totally, to Levi. The kid is like an alarm clock. He NEVER sleeps past 7 a.m. Yesterday he slept until 8:30 and I kind of freaked out--I thought he had died in the night. I am not joking. The kid does NOT sleep in. So, everyone else is asleep, and I am awake with Levi. At least he is pretty much the most adorable little boy to ever be born. His smile lights up the whole house. And he loves to show off his little teeth--he sticks his bottom jaw out, and then grins, so all four of his teeth are perfectly visible. He insists on being held by me anytime I am around, which really makes it hard to get anything else done, but at least I know he loves me.
Today is the last Saturday we will have with Cameron for a long time. I am a little (ok a lot) bummed about things, because I had a lot of things planned today. There is a scrapbooking workshop I want to go to, my book club is today, etc. And now all that is not really important. I am still going to go to my book club meeting, but the rest is going to have to be forgotten. We need to spend time with Cameron. Plus, there is a TON to do. I told him that he needs to spend today going through his stuff, so that I don't have to figure out what is or is not worth keeping. Hopefully that gets done. I also want to clean the sofa...so I need to rent an upholstery cleaner. I am torn between renting it today and just getting it done, or waiting until Monday when Cameron will be at work, but I will have the boys by myself. Decisions, decisions (about such important things, too!).
I keep avoiding saying anything about the real issue here. Cameron is going to be gone in a week. A WEEK! We are really excited, and hopefully this job will be everything that we feel it will be. But still...a week. And then the kids and I will be alone (I mean, Krista will be here, but not the whole time), and won't even see Cameron until the end of May at the earliest. It is going to be awful. Awful. I still have a couple months of teaching left...including the MAP tests. So, it's not like things are slowing down for me. I officially put in my resignation on Thursday, and I think they already had a board meeting, so I guess I have resigned from my job as well. All of this makes me a little sad, and a lot stressed. Are we going to be able to find a house? Am I going to make it through the next 2.5 months? Who is going to help me with the kids while I am at work in May after Krista moves back to VA? Is Cameron going to like his new job? Are we going to have enough money? How are the kids and I going to do without Cameron? (Awful!) Cameron is going to miss Levi's first birthday. How horrible is that? There is just a lot about this that is going to be hard. I haven't even begun to think about the fact that I grew up here and it's my home--and I probably won't ever come back. This move is a huge deal. I am excited, and I am happy about it--I definitely feel like it's the right decision for us--but it is still really scary and stressful. Cameron is going to be staying at his brother's, and that concerns me as well...I don't want there to be hard times. I mean, Krista has lived with us for nearly a year, and honestly, I don't think there have been any MAJOR issues--just small annoyances. But, I don't know if Cameron's family will have the same attitude--they are a bit more high-stress, and intense about things than we are. It will work out, though.
Anyway, so, long story short (too late, I know)...Cameron starts his new job in Utah on March 31. I am staying here until the end of the school year. Cam is going to try to find us a house, and I am going to try to pack this one up. It's going to be awful. We'll survive. Hopefully I get some help. :)
Today is the last Saturday we will have with Cameron for a long time. I am a little (ok a lot) bummed about things, because I had a lot of things planned today. There is a scrapbooking workshop I want to go to, my book club is today, etc. And now all that is not really important. I am still going to go to my book club meeting, but the rest is going to have to be forgotten. We need to spend time with Cameron. Plus, there is a TON to do. I told him that he needs to spend today going through his stuff, so that I don't have to figure out what is or is not worth keeping. Hopefully that gets done. I also want to clean the sofa...so I need to rent an upholstery cleaner. I am torn between renting it today and just getting it done, or waiting until Monday when Cameron will be at work, but I will have the boys by myself. Decisions, decisions (about such important things, too!).
I keep avoiding saying anything about the real issue here. Cameron is going to be gone in a week. A WEEK! We are really excited, and hopefully this job will be everything that we feel it will be. But still...a week. And then the kids and I will be alone (I mean, Krista will be here, but not the whole time), and won't even see Cameron until the end of May at the earliest. It is going to be awful. Awful. I still have a couple months of teaching left...including the MAP tests. So, it's not like things are slowing down for me. I officially put in my resignation on Thursday, and I think they already had a board meeting, so I guess I have resigned from my job as well. All of this makes me a little sad, and a lot stressed. Are we going to be able to find a house? Am I going to make it through the next 2.5 months? Who is going to help me with the kids while I am at work in May after Krista moves back to VA? Is Cameron going to like his new job? Are we going to have enough money? How are the kids and I going to do without Cameron? (Awful!) Cameron is going to miss Levi's first birthday. How horrible is that? There is just a lot about this that is going to be hard. I haven't even begun to think about the fact that I grew up here and it's my home--and I probably won't ever come back. This move is a huge deal. I am excited, and I am happy about it--I definitely feel like it's the right decision for us--but it is still really scary and stressful. Cameron is going to be staying at his brother's, and that concerns me as well...I don't want there to be hard times. I mean, Krista has lived with us for nearly a year, and honestly, I don't think there have been any MAJOR issues--just small annoyances. But, I don't know if Cameron's family will have the same attitude--they are a bit more high-stress, and intense about things than we are. It will work out, though.
Anyway, so, long story short (too late, I know)...Cameron starts his new job in Utah on March 31. I am staying here until the end of the school year. Cam is going to try to find us a house, and I am going to try to pack this one up. It's going to be awful. We'll survive. Hopefully I get some help. :)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Day Nine...
So the title of this post may not mean much to anyone else, but to me...yeah...day nine is significant. First of all--seriously, it is our NINTH day off of school because of the weather. We got literally 12 inches of rain yesterday--yes, all in one day. It was nuts. So, a lot of the highways and roads are washed out. I, for some reason, did not get the phone call telling me that school was canceled, however, so I drove to work today...only to quickly realize by the DEFINITE LACK OF CARS and students that I was the only one there. Yeah. I was mad. I called my principal and he confirmed that school was, indeed, canceled. So, although it was nice to head home, it would have been EVEN NICER to have NOT had to get up (early, I might add), shower, dry and fix my hair, get dressed (in a dress, hose, AND heels today), put on my makeup, get gas, AND drive 35 miles each way.
In other, MUCH BIGGER NEWS, Cameron officially resigned today. His last day will be next Friday, and he will be reporting to his new job in Utah on March 31. I am very excited and VERY stressed about this. The job will be great. I am positive that this is a good decision and a fantastic opportunity for us and for our kids. My concerns are more practical--money, as always. I am always a bit worried about insurance--since I can't really get any. But, the job is awesome and Cam is REALLY excited. I am thrilled to be moving closer to our families, especially my mom. It will be wonderful to be close. It will be hard to leave, but, I keep hearing that change is good...so...here's hoping!
Tomorrow I will try to post a picture of the cutest thing--Ben in his new glasses. They are so stinking adorable! He has these little blue, wire frame glasses. They make his eyes look HUGE. I am so happy that he will finally be able to see better. That's wonderful! We are having a bit of a difficult time convincing him to keep them on--he is struggling. I think because the prescription is SO strong (apparently the kid has been mostly blind for the past 4 years) that Ben is really having a hard time adjusting--it's giving him headaches, and they keep sliding on his nose. They were adjusted beautifully, but then he bent them so badly we had to go back to the vision center almost exactly 8 minutes after we left it (nice!) to get them fixed, and I think the nose piece didn't get fixed quite as wonderfully the second time. But...he looks really cute.
Only a half day of school left until a four day weekend--hopefully we are going to be working our tails off! This is the only weekend we have left until Cameron is gone for several months. So, I told him to try to get a dumpster and we are going to purge!
In other, MUCH BIGGER NEWS, Cameron officially resigned today. His last day will be next Friday, and he will be reporting to his new job in Utah on March 31. I am very excited and VERY stressed about this. The job will be great. I am positive that this is a good decision and a fantastic opportunity for us and for our kids. My concerns are more practical--money, as always. I am always a bit worried about insurance--since I can't really get any. But, the job is awesome and Cam is REALLY excited. I am thrilled to be moving closer to our families, especially my mom. It will be wonderful to be close. It will be hard to leave, but, I keep hearing that change is good...so...here's hoping!
Tomorrow I will try to post a picture of the cutest thing--Ben in his new glasses. They are so stinking adorable! He has these little blue, wire frame glasses. They make his eyes look HUGE. I am so happy that he will finally be able to see better. That's wonderful! We are having a bit of a difficult time convincing him to keep them on--he is struggling. I think because the prescription is SO strong (apparently the kid has been mostly blind for the past 4 years) that Ben is really having a hard time adjusting--it's giving him headaches, and they keep sliding on his nose. They were adjusted beautifully, but then he bent them so badly we had to go back to the vision center almost exactly 8 minutes after we left it (nice!) to get them fixed, and I think the nose piece didn't get fixed quite as wonderfully the second time. But...he looks really cute.
Only a half day of school left until a four day weekend--hopefully we are going to be working our tails off! This is the only weekend we have left until Cameron is gone for several months. So, I told him to try to get a dumpster and we are going to purge!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Why is it??
that on Saturdays, I always feel like I need to let Cameron sleep in? I want to sleep in. However, I am not an idiot, and although I usually go to be later on Fridays and Saturdays than during the rest of the week, I also usually go to bed HOURS before Cam does. Apparently he likes to stay up all night building camp equipment and playing xbox live with his brother. Whatever. I don't care. I just care that he then thinks he should sleep all day. Well, let me rephrase that. He doesn't think he SHOULD sleep all day, but he WANTS to, so I feel bad because I know he's tired. But then this other part of me remembers that we have three kids and HE chose to stay up all night. It is a conundrum. Oh well...right now I'll let him sleep. I'll probably wake him up in an hour or so. :)
I realized that I have to teach gospel doctrine tomorrow. Not thrilled. I need to get that way. I have been challenged to actually PREPARE my lesson instead of winging it the way I usually do (and it usually goes ok). So, I have to devote some time to that. I just want to grab my book, curl up and read, take a little nap, and then scrapbook for awhile. It's a gray, rainy, kind of cold day, and I just feel like doing cozy, comfortable things.
I realized that I have to teach gospel doctrine tomorrow. Not thrilled. I need to get that way. I have been challenged to actually PREPARE my lesson instead of winging it the way I usually do (and it usually goes ok). So, I have to devote some time to that. I just want to grab my book, curl up and read, take a little nap, and then scrapbook for awhile. It's a gray, rainy, kind of cold day, and I just feel like doing cozy, comfortable things.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Quilt giveaway...
My friend Nicole put this on her blog and it is GORGEOUS! So, I am sharing the love and putting a link on my blog. Dana at Old Red Barn Co. is doing this and it's super fantastic.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Moving?? What??? (and some stuff about me)
I have this fun thing that I was planning to use as my post for tonight, but it has been usurped and will just be used as an addendum at the end...
Cameron is probably moving 1200 miles away in less than 3 weeks. That's really scary. And really exciting. He got offered a position that souns FABULOUS!!!! today and we are thinking we're going to go for it. The upside of this?? More money for several months while I am still working. Cameron will be able to look for a place for us to live. He is going to be working with people he is really excited to work for. We'll be LOTS closer to family--all of our family (well, most, I should say). He is excited. It'll give us the big change we have been wanting/needing. The downside?? Yeah--I am going to have to do the full-time working/single mom thing for a couple months until the end of school. That sucks. There is no other way to put it. Also, I'll be on my own. And he'll be staying at Eric's. I am not sure how that will work. So, there are lots more ups than downs, but still...AUGH!
Otherwise, we are still lame...still boring...still plugging along. Did I mention that I still have a killer sore/swollen throat? I am starting to be concerned that I have strep and the 20 seconds the Urgent Care dr. spent with me might have neglected to find that--or maybe I just developed it. Who knows. All I know is that my throat hurts SO badly every time I swallow, and it isn't the scratchy, coughy hurt--it is a swollen, smashing repeatedly on a bruise, kind of hurt. I am ready for it to be gone.
And now...because I know we are dying to see it--my email chain thing that I refuse to pass on via email, but will post on my blog where only those who WANT to see it can.
1. Where is your cell phone? none
2. Your significant other? Cam
3. Your hair? Blondish
4. Your mother? Nevada
5. Your father? deceased
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? school
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? beloved
10. The room you're in? living
11. Your ex? none
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? IHOP
15. What you're not? perfect
16. Muffins? please
17. One of your wish list items? boks
18. Where you grew up? Missouri
19. The last thing you did? taxes
20. What are you wearing? slippers
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? ZERO
23. Your computer? important
24. Your life? crazy
25. Your mood? restless
26. Missing someone? dad
27. Your car? uncool
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? crafty
30. Your summer? moving
31. Like someone? yes
32. Your favorite color? purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? tonight
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
Ok, this was a random email sent to me from a coworker. It's kind of hard, because I always want to give some cutesy explanation for my answers. Oh well...I enjoyed the effort. :)
Cameron is probably moving 1200 miles away in less than 3 weeks. That's really scary. And really exciting. He got offered a position that souns FABULOUS!!!! today and we are thinking we're going to go for it. The upside of this?? More money for several months while I am still working. Cameron will be able to look for a place for us to live. He is going to be working with people he is really excited to work for. We'll be LOTS closer to family--all of our family (well, most, I should say). He is excited. It'll give us the big change we have been wanting/needing. The downside?? Yeah--I am going to have to do the full-time working/single mom thing for a couple months until the end of school. That sucks. There is no other way to put it. Also, I'll be on my own. And he'll be staying at Eric's. I am not sure how that will work. So, there are lots more ups than downs, but still...AUGH!
Otherwise, we are still lame...still boring...still plugging along. Did I mention that I still have a killer sore/swollen throat? I am starting to be concerned that I have strep and the 20 seconds the Urgent Care dr. spent with me might have neglected to find that--or maybe I just developed it. Who knows. All I know is that my throat hurts SO badly every time I swallow, and it isn't the scratchy, coughy hurt--it is a swollen, smashing repeatedly on a bruise, kind of hurt. I am ready for it to be gone.
And now...because I know we are dying to see it--my email chain thing that I refuse to pass on via email, but will post on my blog where only those who WANT to see it can.
1. Where is your cell phone? none
2. Your significant other? Cam
3. Your hair? Blondish
4. Your mother? Nevada
5. Your father? deceased
6. Your favorite thing? reading
7. Your dream last night? school
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? beloved
10. The room you're in? living
11. Your ex? none
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? IHOP
15. What you're not? perfect
16. Muffins? please
17. One of your wish list items? boks
18. Where you grew up? Missouri
19. The last thing you did? taxes
20. What are you wearing? slippers
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? ZERO
23. Your computer? important
24. Your life? crazy
25. Your mood? restless
26. Missing someone? dad
27. Your car? uncool
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? crafty
30. Your summer? moving
31. Like someone? yes
32. Your favorite color? purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? tonight
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
Ok, this was a random email sent to me from a coworker. It's kind of hard, because I always want to give some cutesy explanation for my answers. Oh well...I enjoyed the effort. :)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Happy Anniversary...to me! (And Cameron!)
It has been SIX years since we got married. That is a little bit crazy. Things have been a little nuts during these six years, and there has been a lot that has happened. We have had major ups and downs. We have had three energetic little boys enter our lives. We have had some hard times. But, I can honestly say that I think we really do love each other a lot more than we did when this all started. I know that I am truly grateful to have such a fantastic husband. I know that both of us have our selfish moments, but I know that we are both trying to be much better. It makes me happy to know that we have common goals, and that we are working for the same things. We are embarking on another adventure in the next couple months, and it will be exciting. I don't think we have had a dull year yet--this year I taught. The next year we're moving. Who knows what will happen in ten years. So, my post for today is that I love Cam. I am grateful to be his wife. I am excited for the future and happy to remember that past (and to remember that some things ARE past :)).
I made this scrapbook page last weekend, on Sunday after I felt a little better. Cam hates it because he is in the picture, but I told him it was too bad.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
A little bit...
"You cannot measure a man by his failures. You must know what use he makes of them. What did they mean to him. What did he get out of them."
--Orison Swett Marden
I decided that today was fairly mundane, and that which I did do made me so angry (kids at school) that I just am not going to write about it. Instead, I am going to answer one of the questions in the fabulous book I got from Melody Ross (founder of Chatterbox, Inc.) last year, and which I committed to use--by writing down my stories and those of my loved ones. So...here goes: The question I chose for tonight is actually a hard one--I am not sure I will totally be able to answer it.
What are your top ten goals to accomplish this year? Do you feel that you will achieve them? Why?
Well...I think it will be easiest to just list them...
1. I am going to survive this first year of teaching with a good attitude and be able to look back on it happily and be grateful for it. It has been so hard. But I really love teaching. I want to not hate my job, but I feel like when I leave at the end of the year, if I can remember that I love teaching, it will have been a worthwhile experience. Hopefully I have been able to teach my students something, and they will remember that I do care about them and love them...even when they are brats.
2. I am going to finally for sure gain a testimony. I know...it might be bad to set a time limit on this, and deep down, I really do know for sure that the gospel is true. I think more specifically that what I am lacking is an internal drive to be closer to the Savior, and I am lacking the sure knowledge that my Father in Heaven does actually care about me...I mean, really...I am not that important, and there are way bigger things going on than the piddly things happening in my life. It is hard for me to feel like it matters. But I really feel like there is a lot lacking in my life, and I am sure that it is due to my lack of dependance on the Lord...so I am working on that.
3. I am going to devise a system for housework. Right now it is simply a matter of putting out fires. But, I am going to be staying at home again, starting in just 2.5 months, and I want to be a better housekeeper than I have been in the past. Besides, we are moving and I get to start in a new house--I just need to curb my serious ADD and my lack of enthusiasm for scrubbing things.
4. I am going to grow closer to my in-laws. I know that sounds really nebulous--it is not specific enough or whatever the rules about setting goals are. But, I don't care. I figure that my in laws are going to be around awhile. And so am I. So it's ok if this is a nebulous goal. I am working on it. I am sincerely making an effort, a little bit at a time...and once we live there, I think it will be much easier. I am choosing to believe that it will be better.
5. I am going to read the entire Book of Mormon this summer. I have read it before, but not in recent years. I am trying to keep up with my gospel doctrine lessons (since I have to teach them!), but I am going to make a concerted effort to prayerfully study the scriptures. I know that I won't be able to read the whole thing now, so I am not even going to set myself up for failure. I will continue doing my best, and this summer, I am going to dig in.
6. I am going to read 5 different genres of books. I know...lame! But, I have a tendency to get into a rut--I like historical fiction. Or novels. Or whatever. I am actually well on my way to completing this one though. I am reading a young adult adventure now. I finished several historical fiction books in the last couple months. I need to read a biography and a nonfiction book. Besides that, I am taking suggestions for other genres...there are a couple new Stephen King's and some new John Grisham ones that I haven't read. I read a fairly new Mary Higgins Clark. Oh, and there's a new Jodi Picoult out...can't afford it yet, but maybe I can get my $100 library fine cleared up and check it out. (Or maybe Richard will pay it since it is HIS FAULT!)
7. I am going to be a better wife--I am going to do this by telling Cameron every single day thank for something that he has done. Some day, I admit, this is hard--sometimes he's a butthead (as am I). But, there is always something that I can appreciate, and I want to get better at noticing those things. That is how we learn to love each other more--by appreciating the little things and not focusing on those things that bug us.
8. I am going to be a better mom. I want so much for my kids to learn and grow in the things that they need to be successful. I am going to spend time with each of them every day. Some days, I know, this is only a few minutes. But, I want each of them to know that they are individuals and that I love them as individuals and for their own reasons. I want each to know he is special and is an important part of our family and of my life. I want to help Ben prepare for school. I want Sam to learn to be a normal human being, instead of the crazy bull in a china shop that he is (ok...just kidding. Sam is so sweet and sensitive--I want to help him learn to recognize and deal with his feelings...in a way we can all handle!). I want Levi to be happy and healthy and confident. I want all three of them to never feel like they can't be safe and secure and protected at home.
9. I am going to make a quilt. I am really and truly going to make a real quilt. Not a rag quilt. Not a baby quilt. An at least twin-sized, pieced, quilted quilt. Besides, then maybe I will be able to get Cam to make me those quilt frames he keeps talking about making. :)
10. I am going to learn something new every day. I reread my patriarchal blessing last night (something I haven't done for WAY too long), and there is a long section in it talking about how important it is for me to continually be learning and striving to increase my knowledge...and that how, in doing so, I will be a better wife, a better mother, and a stronger daughter of God. It reminds me that learning and knowledge are eternal. And that I need to learn not only the things of God, but the things of secular knowledge as well. I know that I have been greatly blessed with intelligence and easier understanding than most people...I don't want to waste that blessing by being ungrateful and slothful. So, even though it is not very specific...I am going to learn SOMETHING every single day.
I know these goals are all pretty high-minded. I have lots of little daily goals that involve getting to work on time, or not having meltdowns at school, or keeping my blood sugars under control, or remembering to take my medicine. All of those things are important, but they are simply part of daily life--they are not a stretch truly, and I don't feel like they are things that will truly affect who I become in the future...they are just a means to an end. So, I am going to work on these harder things, in the hopes that I will be able to look back on this year and say that I truly feel like I have become a stronger, better, happier person.
--Orison Swett Marden
I decided that today was fairly mundane, and that which I did do made me so angry (kids at school) that I just am not going to write about it. Instead, I am going to answer one of the questions in the fabulous book I got from Melody Ross (founder of Chatterbox, Inc.) last year, and which I committed to use--by writing down my stories and those of my loved ones. So...here goes: The question I chose for tonight is actually a hard one--I am not sure I will totally be able to answer it.
What are your top ten goals to accomplish this year? Do you feel that you will achieve them? Why?
Well...I think it will be easiest to just list them...
1. I am going to survive this first year of teaching with a good attitude and be able to look back on it happily and be grateful for it. It has been so hard. But I really love teaching. I want to not hate my job, but I feel like when I leave at the end of the year, if I can remember that I love teaching, it will have been a worthwhile experience. Hopefully I have been able to teach my students something, and they will remember that I do care about them and love them...even when they are brats.
2. I am going to finally for sure gain a testimony. I know...it might be bad to set a time limit on this, and deep down, I really do know for sure that the gospel is true. I think more specifically that what I am lacking is an internal drive to be closer to the Savior, and I am lacking the sure knowledge that my Father in Heaven does actually care about me...I mean, really...I am not that important, and there are way bigger things going on than the piddly things happening in my life. It is hard for me to feel like it matters. But I really feel like there is a lot lacking in my life, and I am sure that it is due to my lack of dependance on the Lord...so I am working on that.
3. I am going to devise a system for housework. Right now it is simply a matter of putting out fires. But, I am going to be staying at home again, starting in just 2.5 months, and I want to be a better housekeeper than I have been in the past. Besides, we are moving and I get to start in a new house--I just need to curb my serious ADD and my lack of enthusiasm for scrubbing things.
4. I am going to grow closer to my in-laws. I know that sounds really nebulous--it is not specific enough or whatever the rules about setting goals are. But, I don't care. I figure that my in laws are going to be around awhile. And so am I. So it's ok if this is a nebulous goal. I am working on it. I am sincerely making an effort, a little bit at a time...and once we live there, I think it will be much easier. I am choosing to believe that it will be better.
5. I am going to read the entire Book of Mormon this summer. I have read it before, but not in recent years. I am trying to keep up with my gospel doctrine lessons (since I have to teach them!), but I am going to make a concerted effort to prayerfully study the scriptures. I know that I won't be able to read the whole thing now, so I am not even going to set myself up for failure. I will continue doing my best, and this summer, I am going to dig in.
6. I am going to read 5 different genres of books. I know...lame! But, I have a tendency to get into a rut--I like historical fiction. Or novels. Or whatever. I am actually well on my way to completing this one though. I am reading a young adult adventure now. I finished several historical fiction books in the last couple months. I need to read a biography and a nonfiction book. Besides that, I am taking suggestions for other genres...there are a couple new Stephen King's and some new John Grisham ones that I haven't read. I read a fairly new Mary Higgins Clark. Oh, and there's a new Jodi Picoult out...can't afford it yet, but maybe I can get my $100 library fine cleared up and check it out. (Or maybe Richard will pay it since it is HIS FAULT!)
7. I am going to be a better wife--I am going to do this by telling Cameron every single day thank for something that he has done. Some day, I admit, this is hard--sometimes he's a butthead (as am I). But, there is always something that I can appreciate, and I want to get better at noticing those things. That is how we learn to love each other more--by appreciating the little things and not focusing on those things that bug us.
8. I am going to be a better mom. I want so much for my kids to learn and grow in the things that they need to be successful. I am going to spend time with each of them every day. Some days, I know, this is only a few minutes. But, I want each of them to know that they are individuals and that I love them as individuals and for their own reasons. I want each to know he is special and is an important part of our family and of my life. I want to help Ben prepare for school. I want Sam to learn to be a normal human being, instead of the crazy bull in a china shop that he is (ok...just kidding. Sam is so sweet and sensitive--I want to help him learn to recognize and deal with his feelings...in a way we can all handle!). I want Levi to be happy and healthy and confident. I want all three of them to never feel like they can't be safe and secure and protected at home.
9. I am going to make a quilt. I am really and truly going to make a real quilt. Not a rag quilt. Not a baby quilt. An at least twin-sized, pieced, quilted quilt. Besides, then maybe I will be able to get Cam to make me those quilt frames he keeps talking about making. :)
10. I am going to learn something new every day. I reread my patriarchal blessing last night (something I haven't done for WAY too long), and there is a long section in it talking about how important it is for me to continually be learning and striving to increase my knowledge...and that how, in doing so, I will be a better wife, a better mother, and a stronger daughter of God. It reminds me that learning and knowledge are eternal. And that I need to learn not only the things of God, but the things of secular knowledge as well. I know that I have been greatly blessed with intelligence and easier understanding than most people...I don't want to waste that blessing by being ungrateful and slothful. So, even though it is not very specific...I am going to learn SOMETHING every single day.
I know these goals are all pretty high-minded. I have lots of little daily goals that involve getting to work on time, or not having meltdowns at school, or keeping my blood sugars under control, or remembering to take my medicine. All of those things are important, but they are simply part of daily life--they are not a stretch truly, and I don't feel like they are things that will truly affect who I become in the future...they are just a means to an end. So, I am going to work on these harder things, in the hopes that I will be able to look back on this year and say that I truly feel like I have become a stronger, better, happier person.
Monday, March 10, 2008
I wish...
I wish I could find a way to adequately express myself that would really and truly give a picture of the craziness and the obnoxiousness and the humor that is my life. For example--I wish I could properly express how irritating it is that Levi completely deleted my whole post while I was trying to type it and I have had to start over. Or, that I could explain how adorable his little three-toothed grin is--his crooked little bottom teeth sticking out on the bottom and his one, barely there top tooth that you can only see when he is screaming or grinning hugely. Is there a way to really explain the way I feel when I get a phone call telling me that Ben just bit Sam on the nose and that it was hard enough that Sam is now bleeding? Or is there a way, really, to explain what emotions I feel when Samuel, who has already been dragged into the house, kicking and screaming, goes and gets himself dressed...but not just dressed, dressed in his blue slacks, a white shirt, and his blue, argyle sweater vest...and rubber boots. Then to explain how he sneaks out of the house and squats RIGHT BACK IN THE MUD that I had just pulled him out of? Is there a way to explain Ben's obsession with trains, other than to say that there is a 15 (at least) foot series of track stretched out over the entire length of my living room. Is is adequate to just say that I feel such enormous joy when I hear Levi's little gurgly laugh that I just can't help but laugh myself? What about when Ben tells me that he wants me to go to the store so he can get his new glasses so he can see? The list goes on and on...and I don't know how to adequately explain the things that go on in my life. There is never a dull moment. Ever. If there were, I would maybe get something done. Maybe.
BEFORE--the boys literally broke the cabinet door off. I am showing this picture because it is now fixed...and fixed well, so hopefully my mom won't freak out.
AFTER-Look--Good as new. It really does look good. Cameron took it to a guy who works with him and has a woodworking shop, so the guy glued and clamped it and let it set and harden for several days. So, now...it is all fixed.
This is the literally 2 inches of mud on the bottoms of Sam's shoes. He was bebopping over to the faucet, filling his bucket with water, and then hauling the bucket back, where he would proceed to fill it with dirt. No adding water to the dirt for Sam--he only added dirt to the water. Extra muddy!
At least we got them cleaned up. All three boys hopped in the bath. Levi LOVES the bath. As soon as he heard me turn the water on, he came flying into the bathroom, pulled himself up to the side, and started trying to climb it. It was too funny! Sam said he was "like Santa Claus wif a beard."
Anyway, here are a few some picture that may illustrate a little bit of the highlights of my weekend--the pictures leave out that I spent all day Saturday in bed, before I finally went to urgent care on Saturday night. They leave out that Cameron had to work all day Saturday and Sunday. They leave out that the boys were not that fantastic.
So, in other news, I just want to say...Brother Bear is one of the great, unheralded Disney films. It is seriously one of my favorites. I love the story, the music, the fact that it makes me cry...it is a fabulous movie.
Finally, because I love my brother in law, I will not post the great picture his wife sent me...it makes me happy enough just to know that I could. :) Besides, pictures aren't working anyway.
BEFORE--the boys literally broke the cabinet door off. I am showing this picture because it is now fixed...and fixed well, so hopefully my mom won't freak out.
AFTER-Look--Good as new. It really does look good. Cameron took it to a guy who works with him and has a woodworking shop, so the guy glued and clamped it and let it set and harden for several days. So, now...it is all fixed. 
This is the literally 2 inches of mud on the bottoms of Sam's shoes. He was bebopping over to the faucet, filling his bucket with water, and then hauling the bucket back, where he would proceed to fill it with dirt. No adding water to the dirt for Sam--he only added dirt to the water. Extra muddy!
At least we got them cleaned up. All three boys hopped in the bath. Levi LOVES the bath. As soon as he heard me turn the water on, he came flying into the bathroom, pulled himself up to the side, and started trying to climb it. It was too funny! Sam said he was "like Santa Claus wif a beard."
Anyway, here are a few some picture that may illustrate a little bit of the highlights of my weekend--the pictures leave out that I spent all day Saturday in bed, before I finally went to urgent care on Saturday night. They leave out that Cameron had to work all day Saturday and Sunday. They leave out that the boys were not that fantastic.
So, in other news, I just want to say...Brother Bear is one of the great, unheralded Disney films. It is seriously one of my favorites. I love the story, the music, the fact that it makes me cry...it is a fabulous movie.
Finally, because I love my brother in law, I will not post the great picture his wife sent me...it makes me happy enough just to know that I could. :) Besides, pictures aren't working anyway.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Sick...and other things that have been annoying me.
I have now officially been sick for 8 days. Now, that may not sound like a huge deal to some people, but it is to me. It means that I have had to go to work sick--really sick--because I am pretty much (ok, totally) out of sick days, due to the use of them for kids and diabetes. It means that I have felt like total poo for over a week now. I keep thinking that one of these days I will wake up and BAM!, things will be better. I will suddenly feel, if not 100%, at least 80%. It hasn't happened yet. Oh, and the last reason this is a huge deal, is that my diabetes pretty much goes nuts when I am sick. My blood sugars get extremely awful, thus adding to the wonderful feelings I have. So, grr.
Last night, I finally gave up and went to Urgent Care. After looking at me for seriously like 23 seconds, the dr. informs me that I have a serious sinus infection and need to be on antibiotics. Now, in this case, I suspect he is right. I have thought all along that I have had a sinus infection. One that WILL NOT GO AWAY. The thing that bugs me so much is that he was so "confident" about his diagnosis, he was not even willing to entertain even the slightest possibility that it could be something else. Can you really diagnose someone accurately when you spend less than a minute with them? This seems to be a common theme when I go to urgent care. I am considering not doing it anymore. I admit, I go mostly for convenience sake. Urgent care if like 30 seconds away from my house...the hospital, well, it is closer to 30 minutes than 30 seconds (like 23 minutes or something). Plus, who wants to go to the ER for a sinus infection? But really...more than 30 seconds of attention would be nice...especially since I know what they are going to charge for the stupid visit.
I was in bed a few minutes ago, listening to Levi scream in his bed, wanting me to come free him, and I was lamenting the fact that the kid CANNOT EVER sleep past 7 a.m. "Just once?" I thought. But....not so much. But, then I realized that he had in fact slept until 8 a.m. today...due to the fabulous nature of daylight savings time. I know some people hate daylight savings time. I am, however, completely in favor of it. It's not like my kids go to bed anyway. This will give them more time that they can play outside. I realize that my day still only have 24 hours, but now more of them will be distributed during the times that I am awake, and not while I am sleeping...Besides, Cameron loves to grill stuff. And, it happen much more when (crossing fingers) it is not 4 degrees outside, and the sun is shining. I try not to be ungrateful for the nasty winter weather, because I know that during the summer, we will be wanting some coolness. It will be hot, and unbearably humid, and it won't rain for weeks...and we will want it to cool off. So, I try to just grin and bear it.
Another thing that drives me nuts--in case anyone cares--is Cameron's annoying tendency to stay up SUPER late on Friday and Saturday nights, and then be, essentially, useless the whole next day. Although he KNOWS that I am not going to let him sleep all day just because he chose to stay up all night playing xbox live. Now, normally the all night thing is an exxageration. Normally, it is really just like 1 or 2. However, last night...it was 5 A.M.!!! Add daylight savings to that, and he was pretty much up all night. Playing games. To me, that is just a dumb thing to do. I told him, when he came in, that I hoped he didn't plan on sleeping all day, especially since I am still really sick. So, hopefully he got the memo. I don't mind him playing. But wow--he needs to get the moderation thing down. :)
Ok, last gripe--why can't my children stay out of the kitchen? Sam has gotten a yogurt out of the fridge and is helping himself. Benjamin is eating a huge pickle...even after yesterday's fiasco, where he pulled the whole gallon jar of pickles out of the fridge (unopened ever) and since it was heavy, managed to drop it, sending a GALLON of pickles, pickle juice, and shattered glass all over my kitchen. Grr. At least Levi is being good. At least for now.
I am probably not going to church because I feel so awful, and apparently I am contagious, which makes it really nice that I went to school all week. Cameron is supposedly going to have to work. He had to work all evening last night, starting right at dinnertime, until about 10:30. So, we'll see if the Reeds even make an appearance at all. Part of me wants to go because I hate not going. But part of me really just wants to go lie down.
Last night, I finally gave up and went to Urgent Care. After looking at me for seriously like 23 seconds, the dr. informs me that I have a serious sinus infection and need to be on antibiotics. Now, in this case, I suspect he is right. I have thought all along that I have had a sinus infection. One that WILL NOT GO AWAY. The thing that bugs me so much is that he was so "confident" about his diagnosis, he was not even willing to entertain even the slightest possibility that it could be something else. Can you really diagnose someone accurately when you spend less than a minute with them? This seems to be a common theme when I go to urgent care. I am considering not doing it anymore. I admit, I go mostly for convenience sake. Urgent care if like 30 seconds away from my house...the hospital, well, it is closer to 30 minutes than 30 seconds (like 23 minutes or something). Plus, who wants to go to the ER for a sinus infection? But really...more than 30 seconds of attention would be nice...especially since I know what they are going to charge for the stupid visit.
I was in bed a few minutes ago, listening to Levi scream in his bed, wanting me to come free him, and I was lamenting the fact that the kid CANNOT EVER sleep past 7 a.m. "Just once?" I thought. But....not so much. But, then I realized that he had in fact slept until 8 a.m. today...due to the fabulous nature of daylight savings time. I know some people hate daylight savings time. I am, however, completely in favor of it. It's not like my kids go to bed anyway. This will give them more time that they can play outside. I realize that my day still only have 24 hours, but now more of them will be distributed during the times that I am awake, and not while I am sleeping...Besides, Cameron loves to grill stuff. And, it happen much more when (crossing fingers) it is not 4 degrees outside, and the sun is shining. I try not to be ungrateful for the nasty winter weather, because I know that during the summer, we will be wanting some coolness. It will be hot, and unbearably humid, and it won't rain for weeks...and we will want it to cool off. So, I try to just grin and bear it.
Another thing that drives me nuts--in case anyone cares--is Cameron's annoying tendency to stay up SUPER late on Friday and Saturday nights, and then be, essentially, useless the whole next day. Although he KNOWS that I am not going to let him sleep all day just because he chose to stay up all night playing xbox live. Now, normally the all night thing is an exxageration. Normally, it is really just like 1 or 2. However, last night...it was 5 A.M.!!! Add daylight savings to that, and he was pretty much up all night. Playing games. To me, that is just a dumb thing to do. I told him, when he came in, that I hoped he didn't plan on sleeping all day, especially since I am still really sick. So, hopefully he got the memo. I don't mind him playing. But wow--he needs to get the moderation thing down. :)
Ok, last gripe--why can't my children stay out of the kitchen? Sam has gotten a yogurt out of the fridge and is helping himself. Benjamin is eating a huge pickle...even after yesterday's fiasco, where he pulled the whole gallon jar of pickles out of the fridge (unopened ever) and since it was heavy, managed to drop it, sending a GALLON of pickles, pickle juice, and shattered glass all over my kitchen. Grr. At least Levi is being good. At least for now.
I am probably not going to church because I feel so awful, and apparently I am contagious, which makes it really nice that I went to school all week. Cameron is supposedly going to have to work. He had to work all evening last night, starting right at dinnertime, until about 10:30. So, we'll see if the Reeds even make an appearance at all. Part of me wants to go because I hate not going. But part of me really just wants to go lie down.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Middle of the week...
Today was totally a typical day in my life...a crummy school day with craziness at home. My students have been really obnoxious lately. I have been having a really hard time even wanting to go at all. They are NOT creative--today I just wanted them to read a satire and write 3 paragraphs about it and they freaked out...the big whiny babies just sat and complained the whole time--"I don't get it!", "What does this stupid story mean anyway?" Grr--seriously, the whole point of the story was that people see what they want to see, and that our imaginations are what make us able to be anything we want to be--to see anything within the "mirror of our imagination." It was SO frustrating that they couldn't even use their imaginations for FIVE minutes without flipping out. And that was just my first three hours of the day! The afternoon was awful, first off, because I had a serious blood sugar low. When my students started blurring in and out and swaying around the room, I asked a student to go get another teacher so I could get some Sprite and something to eat, but it was icky! Then, my students just pretty much didn't do ANYTHING that I asked them to do. There is a core little group of them that are pretty much the rudest, laziest, most disrespectful kids I have ever encountered. Ever.
Anyway, onto other topics...I am still sick. I hate being sick. I have an icky cough, a nasty sore throat, and serious sinus pressure. I hate it! Yesterday we took Benjamin in to get his hearing tested. (Since I had YET ANOTHER SNOW DAY!!! GRRRrrr!) He has quite a bit of fluid in one ear, and the start of fluid buildup in the other. In the ear with the fluid, he has moderate hearing loss, and the other ear was minimal (but still there was loss). The audiologist seemed to think that the hearing loss was because of the fluid, not some bigger underlying issue. So, that's good. But he still has the vision issues. We are getting that checked out on Friday. I imagine he will have to be put in glasses, and possibly a patch, within the next couple weeks. :( But back to yesterday--right after Ben's appt. we had to take Levi for his 9 mo. checkup (even though he is 10 mo.). Apparently he missed a dose of shots, so they gave him two shots. While we were there, I asked them about Ben, and so the ped. looked at his ears--and he has an ear infection. Sam was given a prescription for another issue he is having. Then, Krista asked about Maddy's EEG (which, happy day, came back totally clear) and the ped. looked at Maddy and Maddy has a double ear infection. So, even though Levi was the only one with an appt. we ended up with prescriptions for EVERY kid EXCEPT Levi (who had shots, remember??). Krista and I have decided that we owe Dr. Ross a major plate of cookies (she said she wants chocolate chip).
So, yesterday was NOT relaxing. And neither was today. But, now that I have such awful weeks, I have a GREAT appreciation for Fridays.
One last thing--I just need to say that Samuel is the MOST disgusting kid I have ever seen. Instead of getting a kleenex, he has started blowing his nose...without a kleenex. He just lets it come out of his nose and hang out on his face...where he then proceeds to LICK IT OFF! How totally disgusting is that? It pretty much makes me throw up a little in my mouth (fabulous image, huh) every time he does it.
Anyway, onto other topics...I am still sick. I hate being sick. I have an icky cough, a nasty sore throat, and serious sinus pressure. I hate it! Yesterday we took Benjamin in to get his hearing tested. (Since I had YET ANOTHER SNOW DAY!!! GRRRrrr!) He has quite a bit of fluid in one ear, and the start of fluid buildup in the other. In the ear with the fluid, he has moderate hearing loss, and the other ear was minimal (but still there was loss). The audiologist seemed to think that the hearing loss was because of the fluid, not some bigger underlying issue. So, that's good. But he still has the vision issues. We are getting that checked out on Friday. I imagine he will have to be put in glasses, and possibly a patch, within the next couple weeks. :( But back to yesterday--right after Ben's appt. we had to take Levi for his 9 mo. checkup (even though he is 10 mo.). Apparently he missed a dose of shots, so they gave him two shots. While we were there, I asked them about Ben, and so the ped. looked at his ears--and he has an ear infection. Sam was given a prescription for another issue he is having. Then, Krista asked about Maddy's EEG (which, happy day, came back totally clear) and the ped. looked at Maddy and Maddy has a double ear infection. So, even though Levi was the only one with an appt. we ended up with prescriptions for EVERY kid EXCEPT Levi (who had shots, remember??). Krista and I have decided that we owe Dr. Ross a major plate of cookies (she said she wants chocolate chip).
So, yesterday was NOT relaxing. And neither was today. But, now that I have such awful weeks, I have a GREAT appreciation for Fridays.
One last thing--I just need to say that Samuel is the MOST disgusting kid I have ever seen. Instead of getting a kleenex, he has started blowing his nose...without a kleenex. He just lets it come out of his nose and hang out on his face...where he then proceeds to LICK IT OFF! How totally disgusting is that? It pretty much makes me throw up a little in my mouth (fabulous image, huh) every time he does it.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Why does the weather suck?
Saturday was a perfectly beautiful day. In fact, the whole weekend was perfect. The temperature reached the mid-70s, and it was bright and sunny. We spent most of Saturday morning playing outside, and then the boys went out again after naptime. On Sunday morning, we were awakened by the sounds of trucks (small, Tonka trucks) racing past our window. Apparently the boys had gotten up, put their shoes on (Sam put on his rubber rain boots, and Ben put on his too-small last summer's sandals), and snuck out the front door to play outside. Although that is not cool, I was really happy that it was pretty enough this weekend for them to play. They haven't been able to play outside for a long time. They had so much fun just running around, playing with sidewalk chalk, riding their bikes, and playing on the slides. It was fun to watch them.
Ben right after he came squealing down the slide! This was pre-haircut!
Sam--he is SO photogenic! He always looks like a little catalog model--despite his blacked out front tooth (that we still have NO idea how he managed to hit!).
Levi would NOT take a nap. I probably took 25 pictures of him outside sitting in the grass. He looked SO tired and upset in all of them that I had to look hard for a good one. But, he looked adorable in all of them, nonetheless.
Levi being snuggly with Dad--who totally needs to shave! I think it's been like a week since he actually bothered doing that. :)
Ben right after he came squealing down the slide! This was pre-haircut!
Sam--he is SO photogenic! He always looks like a little catalog model--despite his blacked out front tooth (that we still have NO idea how he managed to hit!).
Levi would NOT take a nap. I probably took 25 pictures of him outside sitting in the grass. He looked SO tired and upset in all of them that I had to look hard for a good one. But, he looked adorable in all of them, nonetheless.
Levi being snuggly with Dad--who totally needs to shave! I think it's been like a week since he actually bothered doing that. :)So...we had this beautiful weekend.
And then...
Last night (like in the evening...not overnight) it dropped over 40 degrees to the low to mid 30s, with a windchill in the low 20s. The high tomorrow is right at 32, with windchills expected around 9! 9!!!! What the heck?? Is that even fair? How does that happen? Today was total crap. It rained all day. It was stinking cold. The weather got my hopes up that there might be ice and school being cancelled. But now...not only is it really dang cold, but it is NOT snowing like "they" promised...and to top it off, because of the nasty weather, my sinuses have given me a headache ALL day that makes me wonder if banging my head on the wall would actually make my head feel BETTER. It might change the pressure somehow. It was awful trying to teach a bunch of ornery 8th graders when I had a horrible sore throat and a super awful, make me want to throw up, headache.
Anyway, I think I am going to try to go to bed. I am feeling really horrible. I just wanted to post the super cute pictures of the boys! Keep your fingers crossed for ice and snow--I am at the point where I don't even care that we would have to make the day up. I feel so awful that it's all I want to do.
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