We can't grow without change...and trials.

As much as I hate the general concept of the above statement, I must admit that it is true. When I am being honest with myself, I realize that I am happier because of the hardships I have been through. And the sad (or good--I don't know) thing is that when I haven't had a major trial for awhile, I start feeling stagnant. I start feeling like I am stuck and like there is no progression. I also feel a little anxious, waiting, I guess, for the proverbial "other shoe to drop." So, right now, things have been fairly calm for awhile. We have three healthy, adorable (albeit challenging) boys. My diabetes is semi under control (not perfect, but is it ever?). Neither of us is miserable at work. Our house is crazy and chaotic, but when is it not. We have enough money to meet our needs and occasionally even go out to eat or buy a new dress (like tonight) if we want. Anyway, we have all these securities, and things are going pretty smoothly for us. And for some reason, we feel the need to totally throw that out the window and seek out some change in our lives. I am excited about it though. I am nervous and quite a bit scared too. What if things don't work out as well as we are feeling like they will? What if this isn't the right decision?

I guess my response to that, even though I admit, I am really nervous about things, is, "Ok, what if?" It's not like it will be the end of the world. It's not like we won't survive or make it. We have been through several hardships before now--we can and will go through several more. So, let's do it!

I guess it all depends on perspective here--I think if we were normal people, it would be considered that we have had some challenges lately--nothing huge or monumental, but challenges. We had to buy a brand new dryer right after Thanksgiving (so smack in the middle of Christmas shopping!). We had a huge ice storm and were without power for five days--and had to replace a lot of food. Levi had a minor surgery. Things that might be considered challenges for some are apparently just taken in stride around here now. I guess that is a blessing. Things don't faze us--unless they are really big (which we do NOT want, by the way). I am grateful that we have had the challenging experiences we have had, so that we can look at the current challenges in our life with a bit of perspective. I am also grateful because we know we can make it through hard things. I won't go into it--anyone who knows us well at all knows some of the things we have dealt with--but suffice it to say, there have been times when we have literally had to sit down and make a real decision about whether a situation would tear us apart or bring us closer together (umm...$250,000 in medical bills??). Thankfully, we have always decided we are stronger than the things thrown at us, and we make it! Besides, it's only money, right? We have been able to grow closer together and have a stronger family because of the things we have faced, and although I might be jinxing myself by saying so, I am glad we have gone through all of the things we have.

We really are so blessed. We have a beautiful family. We have a great home. We have good jobs, and are happy together. We can buy food for our children. We can pay our bills. We have good friends. Our families love us. We are blessed! Heavenly Father really does love us--even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Starting out...

So I keep wanting to do one of these, if only because I am SO bad at writing things down. I just need to record the things that are happening in our family. Plus, well, I need a thing that I do that isn't school, or kids, or cleaning, or church, or whatever.

I guess I will just jump in--I am usually a big background person, but I think at this point in my life, that would just take too much time and would get redundant. Hmm...let's see...the highlights: Cameron--works with banks and computers and doesn't particularly love either, but is apparently good at is, so we love his job! Aaron (me)--full-time teacher--8th grade English/Reading teacher at a little, rural school. I love my job, the students are often a pain in the rear, but I love them too. And I LOVE my co-workers--Maggie has become a great friend! Ben just started preschool, and Samuel is starting on Monday. They were so excited to go buy their "pack-packs" and school supplies. Sam has repacked his at least 10 times since Monday. He is so proud of his big boy stuff! Levi is crawling everywhere and has started pulling himself up and tentatively walking around the furniture. He is the sweetest baby! We also have Krista and Maddy living with us until Thomas gets home from Iraq. We are hoping he comes home in May (not because we want Krista and Maddy gone, but because we miss Thomas--not to say that Krista and Maddy don't miss him the most, but Cameron is really suffering. He has a special ringtone set up and everything for his friend!), but he may be gone until next September.

Our life is always just a little bit nuts. In fact, when things start getting calm, we always start getting a little nervous. We are not used to having things run too smoothly. About a week and half before Christmas, we had a big ice storm, which left an inch and a half of ice all over everything--including power lines. So...yeah...we, and most of the rest of Joplin/Webb City, were without power for almost a week. We were actually quite fortunate, and we got our power back on after only five days. Many others were without power for even longer. It was a major awakening of how unprepared we are though--we were really strapped for money after a week of being vagabonds. We ended up staying with Krista's inlaws in Anderson, which was SO generous and great of them. It taught me a little bit more about the way Mary and Joseph must have felt, when no one had any room for them. It was a real struggle finding a place for all seven of us that would be warm and safe. Cameron and I still had to go to work each day, so it was even harder. The reason I am telling all of this is because this happened, and I didn't even look at it as a crisis--it was so minor in comparison to so many of the other things we have dealt with.

I need to do this right now, so I apologize if some of the posts get too personal. I have been struggling with some fairly severe post partum depression since Levi's birth earlier this year. I am hoping that this will be therapeutic--I usually do much better after I write things down or talk things out.

I am also hoping to list at least one thing in every post that tells something I am truly grateful for. I struggle with a lack of optimism (translated: negativity), especially when I am feeling down. So...here goes for today: I am truly grateful for Cameron. He was gone for several days and I stayed home with the boys. It was a really hard couple of days for me--the boys were not being good, my medicine was screwed up, Cameron was mad, I had to go back to work, etc... Having Cameron come home last night was WONDERFUL! I didn't realize how much more smoothly things go and how much more calm I feel when he's around. So...I'm grateful for Cam. He is my best friend and I love him more than anything!

I will try to figure out how to post some pictures soon!